Of Gods and Babysitting
by Ellabee15
Summary: Sometimes even gods need babysitters.
1. Chapter 1

Tony staggered into the tower common area, his shirt riddled with holes, smoke coming off his clothes.

"Um…..Tony?" Rhodey asked. Tony held up a hand and went over to the bar. Grabbing a bottle, he reached for a glass, paused, then pulled his hand back and drank straight from the bottle.

"I have seen the end times, Rhodey." He said, gravely. Rhodey raised an eyebrow. Then comprehension dawned on his face and he grinned.

"It couldn't have been that bad." He said. "They're actually really good-" He was interrupted by a crash as Tony dropped the bottle, his eyes wide.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?" He shouted. "They're evil I tell you. EVIL."

Pepper waked in and bit back a smile at Tony's disheveled appearance. "How was your day?" she said, nonchalantly.

"Apparently, it's the end times." Rhodey deadpanned.

"This never happens to Banner." Tony continued, talking to himself. "And not Steve. Oh no. Steve's the best, they love Steve. Him and his stupid perfect hair and teeth." He grabbed another bottle and took a swallow. "and and and widow. They adore her. ADORE HER. Woman could probably kill them in her sleep, but its auntie Nat this and auntie Nat that." His voice was rising in pitch and becoming hysterical.

"I think he might be a bit jealous." Pepper said. "JARVIS, have one of the robots clean up the mess."

"HA!" Tony shouted. "Jealous? Bullshit."

"What happened this time?" Rhodey sighed.

"They're demons, I tell you." Tony shook a finger at him. "Adorable little lightning summoning demons who've made it their mission to destroy me."

Pepper shook her head, "I'm sure you wouldn't say this if Ororo and Thor were here."

"Damn right I would." Tony growled.

"Uh huh, did you share this opinion when they came to pick up the twins?" Rhodey asked.

"They haven't picked them up yet." Tony said.

Pepper looked at him in alarm. "Tony….where are they?"

"Don't worry." Tony waved dismissively. "They're okay. I've got them duct taped to chairs in the lab."

"You WHAT?" Rhodey jumped to his feet and ran to the lab while Pepper skewered Tony with her signature "you done fucked up" look.

"What?" Tony snapped.

"Let me get this straight:" Pepper pinched the bridge of her nose. "You…a mere mortal." Tony huffed. "Just duct taped twins, who have not one but two gods as their parents, to chairs...and you don't see anyway this could end badly?"

"First off. Not gods." Tony shot back. "Ororo's a mutant and Thor's an alien with weird alien biology. Secondly; why did we ever allow those two to reproduce? I mean if anyone were to create the beings that would herald in the apocalypse it would be those two."

"Um…Tony." Pepper said, looking behind him.

"I mean, they're twins. I'm pretty sure in some cultures they would have executed the little monsters for being bad luck, but not us. Oh no." Tony ignored her attempts to get his attention. "We have a rotating babysitting schedule for the brats. We bend over backwards to accommodate their parent's need to go off into a parallel dimension to hook up because they can't have sex without causing a category 5 hurricane." He glared. "They're probably off right now creating new hell spawn whose sole purpose in life will be to make Uncle Tony –"

"So…" A deep voice rumbled behind Tony. "I believe we can assume that you want to be removed from the list of determining the sitting of babies."

Tony paled and turned very slowly. Sure enough, Thor and Ororo were standing behind him, in full Asgardian clothes.

"Heeeeeeeeey guys" He said nervously. "…. Waaaassaaaaap." He turned to Pepper. "Why didn't you tell me they were behind me?" He hissed.

Ororo and Thor were standing there. Ororo's arms were crossed and she had an inscrutable expression on her face. Thor appeared amused.

"Our hell spawn?" Ororo asked, glancing around the tower common area.

"Rhodey's cutting them loose." Tony said. "I mean….giving them ice cream past their bed time?" He gave her a sheepish grin. "Have I mentioned how gorgeous you look today?"

"Well," Ororo tilted her head. "Going off to a parallel dimension to have category 5 hurricane sex does tend to bring a glow to one's cheeks."

Thor let out a rumbling chuckle.

"Are you…going to stay at the Tower?" Tony asked.

"Professor Xavier requires our presence at the institute." Thor replied.

The elevator opened and two children rushed forward, jumping into their parents arms. The two were referred to as the sun and moon by the Asgardian court. The boy was the spitting image of his mother while the girl took after her father.

"And how did you fare today?" Thor asked, twirling his daughter through the air.

"Uncle Tony showed us how to make duct taped wallets." Mwezi said, holding up a duct tape wallet. Tony's eyes bulged out of his skull.

"Did you behave?" Ororo asked, looking down at Balder. He nodded vigorously, his sister echoing his sentiment.

"Can we stay with uncle Tony again next time?" he asked sweetly.

"NO." Tony shouted. "I mean….I'm pretty sure I'll be busy taking care of a dead relative at a work function while being sick." He clapped his mouth shut as Thor shot him a cursory look. Ororo laughed.

"How about we take the children home." She picked up Balder. "Pepper, I'm assuming we're still on for our spa day?"

"The other girls are ready and can't wait." Pepper said, giving Ororo a hug and Balder a kiss on the cheek.

"Good bye Tony." Thor said. "We will certainly be seeking your excellent child care serives in the future."

Tony glared at the thunder god as he turned and walked out, his daughter grinning at Tony over his shoulder. Mwezi waved at Tony.

"This isn't over." Tony growled. "Oh no…it is only the beginning."

Pepper shook her head. "The great Tony Stark…out witted by 4 year olds." She muttered.

* * *

"Are our children truly so terrible?" Thor asked, lying on their bed in their room in the institute. The children were in the next room, sleeping. He turned on his side to watch Ororo, who was brushing her hair in front of the mirror.

"It's only Tony that they respond to negatively." She said, smiling at her husband's reflection. "I expect it's because they realize that he shares their maturity level and treat him as a peer."

Thor laughed and rolled back onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. "Perhaps we should no longer allow him to watch them without supervision of his own." He said, yawning.

Ororo put down her brush and got into bed, next to her husband. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

"Are we certain that the threat has been neutralized?" she murmured, threading her fingers into his hair.

"Of course, my heart." Thor said, tracing his fingers over the wedding ring on her finger. "Heimdall confirmed it himself. The perpetrators of the plot are rotting in an Asgardian cell and the jinx has been removed from the Bifrost." He pressed his lips to her temple. "You were there during the interrogation." He grinned. "You were magnificent." He added.

"They threatened my children." Ororo growled and gripped his hand slightly.

"Which is why I agreed for you to proceed with the interrogation." Thor said. "If I had carried it out, there would have been nothing left to give answers." He grimaced. "You possess more self-control, which is what makes you such a formidable warrior."

Ororo hummed. "My beautiful hot tempered husband."

"My splendid protective wife." Thor replied. They lay in silence, listening to their children's soft breathing over the baby monitor.

"They're alright." Ororo murmured, as though trying to convince herself of this fact. She'd spent the entire jet ride back to the institute holding the two children against her while Thor watched over them.

"The two of us are more than a match for anything that would threaten them." Thor said. He let out a small laugh, shaking his head. Ororo looked at him, bemused

"What is it?" She asked. "Am I allowed to partake in this joke?"

"It is just…to think that Stark believed we'd left to have sex." Thor grinned at her.

"Well," she said. "You have to admit it would have been more enjoyable." Thor nodded his agreement. "And apparently he still believes that we can't do it without causing a major weather disturbance." Ororo rolled her eyes.

Thor grinned. "True," he sighed, "at most that only happened 3 times." His expression turned smug.

Ororo bit her lip. "Once…my love." She said, caressing her fingers across Thor's chest in an attempt to placate his irritation at her correction. He pouted.

"Twice?" He said. Ororo shook her head.

"That time in Alaska had nothing to do with us." She said, watching in amusement as Thor raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Would I lie to you, my love?"

"Not even to spare my ego?" He asked. She sat up and kissed him.

"Especially not to spare your ego." She said. Thor contemplated her words, then grabbed her and pinned her down to the bed. "Thor." She laughed.

"It has come to my attention that during our marriage my wife has not been properly satisfied." Thor said. "Understand…it is a matter of honor."

* * *

Tony frowned as the weather anchors tried to explain the flash rainstorms that had appeared in Westchester without explanation.

"Making more I see." He growled. "PEPPER." He called out. "If the Odinssons are mounting an army I need one of my own."

"Then go to the lab and build one." Pepper shouted back. "Because my ovaries aren't a Tony Stark minion delivery service."

* * *

 **Notes:**

Mwezi is the Swahili word for moon (according to google)

Balder is a Norse name meaning light bringer

So literally, they are the sun and moon.


	2. Chapter 2

Logan would never admit it to anyone, but he loved looking after the twins. He'd groused through most of Ororo's pregnancy but the second he'd seen the two of them wrapped in their blankets, he'd been smitten.

"You left them with Stark?" He grunted when Ororo came down for breakfast the next morning. She gave him a small smile, shaking her head.

"It was an emergency, Logan." She patted his arm on her way to the fridge. "If time had permitted, I would have chosen you."

He let out another grunt, staring at his coffee, "whatever."

Ororo shook her head; his disinterest was a calculated act. Sure enough.

"I made breakfast." He pointed to a stack of waffles and bacon. "There's extra, if you wanted to give it to the twins."

"Extra?" Ororo leaned against the counter, looking at Logan as he avoided her gaze. At that moment Thor swept in, Balder and Mwezi hanging off his arms.

"Uncle Logan!" Balder dropped off his father and rushed to the grouchy mutant. Not to be beaten, Mwezi jumped off as well, runing after her brother to tug on Logan's flannel shirt. Thor walked over to Ororo, kissing her brow.

"Good morning, my heart." He said.

She smiled. "Good morning." Handing him a waffle, she added. "I see we've lost the contest for our children's affection." Thor accepted the waffle, shaking his head.

"Did you little gremlins behave yourselves with Stark?" Logan asked.

"Yes." The twins said in chorus. Logan gave them a fixed glare. They shook their heads, giggling. "No."

"That's what I like to hear." Logan ruffled Balder's hair and gave Mwezi a playful tap on the cheek. Thor laughed as Ororo covered her eyes.

"Logan." She groaned. "We're trying to teach them manners."

"Why?" Logan sniffed in disgust.

Ororo cleared her throat, getting her children's attention. "Eat breakfast and then you can play with uncle Logan."

The twins rushed to sit at the table. Logan arched an eyebrow at Ororo.

"Who says I wanna play with them?" He asked.

Ororo shot him an amused look. He wasn't fooling anybody. Grabbing two apples, she and Thor fixed the twins plates before joining them at the table.

"Mom." Balder asked as she took her seat. "Why couldn't we come to Asgard?"

Ororo shared a look with Thor. Though they'd kept the reason for their journey from their children, their worry must have upset them.

"There was a dangerous group of people." Thor explained. "They were angry at us. We needed to stop them."

"Why couldn't we help?" Mwezi asked, her brow furrowing. Ororo tangled her fingers in her daughter's curls, smiling at her.

"Maybe when you're older." She said.

"I wanted to go to Asgard." Balder grumbled.

"And you shall." Thor said earnestly. "We just could not take you this time."

It seemed to quell their curiosity. Turning their attention to their plates, they wolfed down their food. Looking eagerly at Logan, they squirmed in their seats. Logan glared up from his coffee.

"Don't look at me." He nodded in Ororo's diretion. "I don't make the rules around here."

"Oh so now you listen to rules?" Ororo shook her head. It was typical of Logan to make her the bad cop. Thor cleared his throat, drawing the twins' attention to him.

"Clear you plates and push in your chairs before you go." He said. They jumped up, rushing to the sin. "And give your mother a kiss." He added. Ororo grinned as they pecked her on the cheek before haphazardly shoving in their chairs. Grabbing Logan's arms, they tugged him out of the his chair and to the door.

"We're spoiling them." Ororo remarked, watching them leave.

"Perhaps." Thor said. "However we now have the morning to ourselves." He pulled her chair closer, nuzzling her neck. "Any ideas as to how we might occupy that time?"

Ororo stood, holding out her hand. "I have the perfect idea."

5 minutes later they were passed out on the couch, Ororo pressed against Thor's chest.


End file.
